Friday, April 6, 2012

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz! In Your Face!!!

This coming weekend is a significant one for many different types of peopleways.  Christians (assuming they took the Western side during the Great Schism) will observe Easter.  Jewishes will observe Passover, or "Pay Sock."  Devout Lobsterites will observe Sleeping In and Then Drinking Coffee Until They're Sufficiently Caffeinated to Go Get Bagels.  And bike dorks of all stripes (wearers of unearned World Champion ones included) will observe the Watching of the Paris-Roubaix.

It is also an auspicious time for cyclists in New York City, because apparently the NYPD is finally going to start treating us equally:



Though this just means they're now going to fill out actual accident reports when we collide with pedestrians:

“This reporting process will allow the department to track bicycle accidents like typical car accidents,’’ said Inspector Kim Royster, an NYPD spokeswoman.

Given that the NYPD allows drivers to run down pedestrians with impunity, I take this to mean that cyclists will now be free to do the same, and that the following excuses for running into people on your bike will now be sufficient for complete exoneration:

--"I didn't see him."

--"He came out of nowhere."

--"I was overwhelmed by my Serotta's new bike smell."

Don't get too excited about your new powers, though, since of course drivers are still allowed to hit cyclists.  If you find all this confusing and you'd like to know exactly where you currently stand in New York City as a driver, cyclist, or pedestrian, the NYPD has issued this handy diagram to show you how it all breaks down:


The drivers are the ghosts.  They get to move erratically and change direction at will, and nobody can hurt them.  Cyclists have now been promoted to Pac-Man status, which means they can plow through pedestrians too but are still at the mercy of the drivers.  As for pedestrians, they're merely the little "pac-dots."  Oh, and there's also a "power pellet" that grants cyclists temporary top-tier status, and it's called the "Five Boro Bike Tour:"


However, like a "power pellet," it only lasts for a short amount of time, and as soon as they reopen the route to motor vehicle traffic the cyclists become fair game again and the cars resume their relentless pursuit.

Speaking of treating bikes like cars, Paul Budnitz continues his quest to transform bicycles into overpriced machines sold to clueless people who have no idea how they work, and he's now unveiled two new models that are ever so slightly different from the original ones:


In so doing, Budnitz has also displayed his economic prowess:


"The idea here is an utterly beautiful bicycle for daily use, that’s super functional, fun to ride, and there’s an environmental component to the whole thing — I believe that if you make things really great, that last a really, really, really long time; it’s better to buy one bike for $3,000 than buying six bikes for $500 over the same period of time.”

I realize he's trying to make a statement about quality here, but in this particular instance it doesn't really ring true, since a $500 bike will probably last just as long as a $3,000 Budnitz.  So if the argument is an economic one, isn't it better to buy one bike for $500 instead of a $3,000 Budnitz?  Where is he getting the whole six bikes thing anyway?  Plus, if you do buy six $500 bikes you could get a bunch of different kinds for different types of riding, whereas if you buy one Budnitz all you have is a single bike that's poorly suited to pretty much everything.  It's like saying instead of buying a smartphone, a computer, and a tablet, you should just get a really elegant looking device that costs more than all of them put together but only has a single function, which is to give you directions to the nearest artisanal mayo shop.

Of course, you could always deliver mail on your Budnitz to offset the cost, and a reader informs me that a man in England is doing just that on his pennyfarthing:


Only I was disgusted to learn that his so-called "pennyfarthing" is actually a unicycle conversion:

Mr Eccles said his bike was not a true penny-farthing and had been adapted from a unicycle.

For shame, Mr. Eccles.  For shame.

Now, I'd like to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see Keanu Reeves in a hairnet.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and ride happy.


--Wildcat Rock Machine






1) The Great Trek Bicycle Making Company's latest shock absorbing frame technology is called:







2) Specialized's latest shock absorbing frame technology is called:









3) Rivendell's latest shock absorbing frame technology is called:








(200,000 years ago, "Eddy" became the first biped to win the Tour de Pangaea.)

4) Homo Velocipedus, pictured above, is the common ancestor of all modern-day Freds.

--True







5) What is this?








6) Why is she nonplussed?








7) This is somehow meant to promote:






***Special Retro-Themed Bonus Question***




The hottest "retro" bike now is the:






92 comments:

wishiwasmerckx said...

First!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Second?

Anonymous said...

Sweep?

Anonymous said...

Podium???

wishiwasmerckx said...

Can I fill out the entire top 10?

agentdetroit said...

top ten, bitches!

mander said...

schluffin in

theEel said...

WEED!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Is it greedy to take 5 of the top ten places?

Better not have me over to your house cause I'll eat all of the shrimp...

Anonymous said...

top ten

Anonymous said...

Eleventh place is tenth loser.

Buffalo Bill said...

Looks like Keanu took the red pill a long time ago.

Max said...

"Rapha's new Roubaix athletic support, designed to cradle and stabilize your 'cobbles' when you ride on the cobbles"

I would have gone with "...designed to cradle and stabilize your 'stones' when you ride on the cobbles", but I guess that's why I have to work at a job for a living and you do...whatever it is you do.

Have a fine weekend, all.

Anonymous said...

Plastic frame bollox.

A p-far based on a unicycle sounds like good use of a unicycle......

hey nonny mouse

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

Miss Pacman ate my panties!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Based on recent comments about locking bikes in NYC, the six-bikes-to-one ratio actually seems like a pretty accurate estimation...

zoomer said...

Top twenny?

Scranus!

oh, and weekend Weed Panties

Anonymous said...

Canoe Reefs is one baaad ass motha

BONE SHKR

Billy said...

20th! I feel like I just won a cat 6 race.

McFly said...

Been pullin' a kid trailer around today....WITH a kid in it. Geez, talk about a workout. Why if it weren't for my new internally routed cablesblahblahblah.....

Blog Drafter said...

Hilarious post, much above the Friday average but Lob banishes thee from ever mentioning Paul Budnitz again.

Anonymous said...

Great Read. Thanks Snob.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Thank you, Commissioner Kelly...
about farkin time you stopped violating my farkin rights.

Pantyface said...

Face panties!

cablebfg said...

@wishiwasmerckx

That means that you could lose six $500 bikes to one $3,000 bike... So the guy buying multiple cheaper bikes would still come out on top.

Anonymous said...

"I was overwhelmed by my Serotta's new bike smell."

It's funny because it's true!

http://www.denverpost.com/allewis/ci_16914815

eliptigo_queen said...

Budnitz is going down market eh?

He's got maybe $10,000 in another epic failure at "revolutionizing" bike marketing while EliptiGo's are actually being sold to real customers.

Welcome to the bike industry Paul!

Paul needs to do a cloabbo with EliptiGo. That won't sell either, but that would be some blogular entertainment right there...

Anonymous said...

There's entirely too much anonymous commenting going on in here.

Billy said...

I had no idea Specialized used such ridiculous acronyms. I wonder if it actually stands for anything, or if it's a lame riff on Web 2.0 brands.

Good to know Keanu had his "board with a mean face on it" schtick down even as a young man. http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=matrix2

I didn't realize it until mander said it at 1:07 PM, but is a dandy horse the original schluff-mobile? Does that make schluffin man the original retrogrouch? Craziness!

I felt a lot more like one of those little dots rather than the pacman on my ride today. Very few pedestrians and lots of 40+ mph cars.

budnitz_army said...

That Denver Post link really encapsulates 'merica.

this tragic story took on a life of its own among bicyclists, bloggers, socialites and others who view hit-and-run as a felonious act.

See what they did there? they may as well have written the line "This tragic story took on a life of its own among the poor and mentally ill."

The guy who almost killed the fellow capitalist probably managed more money than the guy he almost killed. See what happens when you choose to be poor? Wealthier people can almost kill you and blame it on the new car smell.

Cipo said...

eating pussy

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

Are you suggesting my MayoShop Pad was a bad purchase?

mikeweb said...

Sorry I'm late, I took the Dandy Horse today. I hit a couple of potholes and now my scranus is a taint.

Anonymous said...

If they had developed the Knob GOBLR instead of COBL GOBLR, I'd be down at my Speckelizeded dealer ordering 5 of them right now.

mikeweb said...

And congrats to wiwm!
And congrats to wiwm!


And congrats to wiwm!

crosspalms said...

Is it the beechwood aging that makes that bike worth $3,000?

Anonymous said...

It's not thing to have our fun racing for top poster but another to congratulate the "winner"

...just sayin'

Anonymous said...

Not "not" but "one"

..stupid MayoPad!

Anonymous said...

Today I pop a massive boner for Wild Cat Rock Machine's panty machine.

leroy said...

My commute this morning:

1. Only cap I can find has "BROOKLYN" on the bill. Flannel clad young folks in Williamsburg will now avoid these like the plague.

2. Skirt 4 police interceptor trikes in the bike lane on the Brooklyn Bridge and am nearly hit by an authentic broom wagon emptying trash cans. The only thing I'm actually struck by is irony.

3. Guy in kit on West Side Highway passes me and blows his nose a few yards ahead -- twice. Not the April showers I was expecting. I pull alongside and kid him about it.

4. Out-of-towner in Subaru nearly rams me when he tries to get around a taxi near Times Square. I wave. Two blocks later, he doesn't cut me off while heading for a parking garage.

5. Another cyclist makes an abrupt stop and turn mid-block to get to the Yale Club, narrowly missing me. I compliment his bamboo frame, he recognizes my jersey.

You know, someone should write a book about becoming an enlightened cyclist via commuting.

I'd read it.

I mean if it didn't use big words, wasn't too expensive, and had pictures.

Ride enlightened, all!

crosspalms said...

Leroy,
You're an inspiration. I will try not to seethe at anyone on the ride home. Your dog is lucky to have you.

Anonymous said...

Snob!
Nice work on the PacMan/Cyclist/Auto/Ped heirarchy metaphor.

Did you even consider Frogger?

Too literal?

Frogger doesn't really work in this context, huh. Understood and agreed.

Plus, I can here the PacMan game play as I type but I can't recall Frogger's soundtrack except for the "bloop, bloop" as the titular character hopped his way across traffic.

Yea. PacMan is mo betta for your point making. Kudos!

Anonymous said...

And Leroy,
Awesome slice-of-life there.
I rode along and enjoyed a fine Good Friday morning commute. Kudos!

singlespeedwaster said...

Top 50? I hate to boast. Too busy reaching over a shoulder to hold a Boulder.

Jimbo! said...

can't wait to ride my new Buttnitz in the elevator.

also, went trout fishing all day instead.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Leroy, you're a real pro for navigating Vanderbilt Ave (the Yale Club), the meanest little avenue in Manhattan.

Billy said...

Wow Leroy, I do good to make it past the end of my street without getting hot under the collar. I read about that "enlightened cyclist" thing, and I guess I have a long way to go.

PS - About the book, don't forget stickers!

Harvard Club said...

Fuck you, Yale Club!

Jasper said...

It's all about giving respect to our esteeemed commenter 'friends' and acquaintances when they score a big win. Nice work wiwm. As Leroy would say, every dog deserves its day in the sun.
And hey nonny mouse - too true; it is getting harder to find farthings these days, not to mention the big old pennies.

bikesgonewild said...

...notes to self...

...(1) don't send leroy (or his dog) a copy of my almost completed book - 'bgw's enlightened thoughts on the modern significance of antidisestablishmentarianism assembled whist riding my velocipede'...

...(2) consider 'stickers' for the new book...people like stickers...

...(3) don't invite wishiwasmerckx when the book is 'dropped' especially if my publisher is serving (a) drinks (b) canapes or (c) shrimp...

bikesgonewild said...

...mikeweb...sorry to hear of your scranicular devolvement...

Quilled and lugged said...

So you are putting your memoir together, and you have just been dropping tasty little hints here...

bikesgonewild said...

...quilled & lugged...

...i think the key word in your suggestion is 'memoir' which would imply the use of memory & well, gosh, as robin williams sez - "...if you can remember the '60's, you weren't there..."...

...this could be a problem...

Anonymous said...

How many anonymouses are there here?

Please sound off...

One!

Quilled and lugged said...

I thought you were making it all up anyway. Don't we all? The snippets have sounded fun anyway.

Quilled and lugged said...

And this is the cue for your story about riding with Robin Williams back in the day, isn't it?

Anonymous pedant said...

Anonymii?

McFly said...

My dream girl is the chick in the High Maintenance Boyfriend video minus the leggings. Keep the flip flops, though. Also, maybe a classy, darkish pair of nerd glasses. I am very particular. She would constantly be cleaning up my little sticky messes.

Jasper said...

Hey McFly, Enough drooling, you ought to be getting in some training for a podium spot next week...

McFly said...

OK I am on it. Going on a "shop ride" in the morning. It's going to be 50 at 8 a.m. so I am squeamish BUT I HAVE INTERNALLY ROUTED CABLES NOW so therefore I must shake them down roadie style. The Murray State University Bicycle Cycling Knowledge College Team is usually in attendance so I am predicting and early drop with a rejoin at the mercy stop.

Anonymous said...

Thought that Coke ad was super creepty due to its plethora of sexual inuendos. It is like a catholic priest directed it:

The song: "reach down deep to satisfy"

Dad congratulates Keanu: great job son. Now, feast on this bottle of Coke that in no way resembles an erect penis, as you are hunched over submissive to myself.

On another note, it'd be cool if Keanu was a cyclist, ala marc paul Gosselor and not Robin Williams.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Please excuse my absence from the Friday funk whiz. I was actually out riding my bike all afternoon instead of doing the work thing.

Damn the COBL GOBL-R one threw me. I thought for sure you just made that up Snob!

"full luxurious, Tom Selleck-caliber mustache" -nice

Well enjoy your coffee and bagels, I know I will.

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Anonymous said...

One.

BUDE NITS said...

Cobble Gobbler

That sub-compact P-far is a Coker "Wheelman" with high-rise bar cockpit mod, maybe something else.

I think that British-version-of-Mr.-McFeely Bude Dude is messing with journos because they also wrote that the bike was over 100 years old. He knows they won't fact-check.

bikesgonewild said...

...quilled n' lugged...i guarantee you i don't know robin williams other than having chatted very briefly outside a marin bike shop...

...but i will say this...i love seeing robin in passing when we're out on our bicycles 'cuz he & i are both 'heart patients' who've been through surgical procedures & thus a little nod & smile sez "...glad to see you alive, healthy & enjoying this day on a bicycle..."...

...a simple gesture is thus heartfelt...

Robin Williams said...

The biggest medical expense from my heart surgery was the labor from them weedeating my chest...

bikesgonewild said...

...now THAT could be the real robin williams...bwahahaha...

Tom Bone In said...

I must make zee zleepy times nowz. I vil zee you lozers at zee zign in in zee marning.

McFly said...

Tom Bonnen is not a human. SIDEBAR: Also, Paul Sherwin became excited and said, "You get used to riding without hands." That was pretty funny.

Race Fact Dork said...

RACE FACTS! Sebastian Turgot got second by roughly 2 mm. He was rubbing a huge 30 mm tire. Or tyre. Good choice. Still the first loser.

Douche' Douchae' said...

Please don't get angry ...

I realize that I've promised to not ask for this information ever again ...

But just one more time.

Tell me.


How do I know when I'm High?

Anonymous said...

Jeebus rise high in the sky today.
We love Jeebus and we love ham.
Jeebus rise high in the sky today.
We sit and eat and eat and pray.

Anonymous said...

I spotted this on a Cannondale box at work today. I think that Cipo would approve.......

http://s1236.photobucket.com/albums/ff453/cog_17/Odds%20and%20ends/?action=view&current=Image134.jpg

hey nonny mouse

Anonymous said...

In three days Specialized will be marketing the "Tommeke Boomer".

Joop Doosche dir. sportif said...

wishiwasmerckx's podium and top ten placements in today's 'BSnyc velo blog comments section' nerd sprint competition have all been voided.

Wishiwasmerckx tested positive for the following;

HGH, Upland Gorilla adrenelin, non-human seamen, Unidentifable plant resins and Lloyd Flandis 'get-up-and-go' juice.

McFly said...

Sorry, no excuse. Bad for you, bad example for the kids. Only takes one fall at just the right angle. Have had several people that have cracked helmets from relatively minor falls, guess what would have been cracked instead?! And talk to my husband about what a helmet looks like when you wreck a motorcycle and you hit the pavement...
2 hours ago · Like (Via the facing book, this was a comment left on my wall after I put up some pics of the fam doing some cruising around the park, ouchie.)

nan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
nan said...

marry me.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Douche' Douchae'--

Do you have an uncontrollable urge to slay an entire bag of Frito Lays with a tub of sour cream and onion dip?

That's how you tell.

But I defer to BGW.

Kevin Smith said...

Great Post!

Create Online Quiz

bikesgonewild said...

...ummm, ahhh, i, uhhh, hmmm...well, leroy, i'd love to help out but i'm damned if i can remember...

Anonymous said...

I'm embarassed to be a New Zealander and a cyclist after seeing this. I've ridden that trail hundreds of times and dealt with hundreds of other riders without getting in a fight. Please tear both these losers to shreds in the manner only RTMS/Wildcat Rockmachine can:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHX33Psbt20&feature=youtu.be&hd=1
News story:
http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/6713154/Helmet-cam-films-Port-Hills-cyclist-assault
Full video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPLYStAuZt0

bikesgonewild said...

...@ anon 3:23am...

...this doucheristic behavior was brought up by a friend who lives on nz's north island...

...while "...it takes two to tango...", it seems to me that if mr rock-shox-jersey is out enjoying riding through the surroundings, he could simply announce he’ll pull over when he’s comfortable doing so, given that it is a narrow trail & just as simply, give the rider behind the opportunity to pass, ya ???...

...we all ride at different speeds, so why play "...dog in the manger..."...

...of course, we dunno how insistent the guy in back was about getting by initially but fuck me, a little cooperation goes a long way...

Kenny Banya said...

...

Anonymous said...

So this is what the hipsters are all excited about eh? huh.

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Bike Locks said...

Of course, you could always deliver mail on your Budnitz to offset the cost, and a reader informs me that a man in England is doing just that on his pennyfarthing

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made me "wat"

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