Friday, March 30, 2012

BSNYC No Friday Fun Quiz Again Because I'm On Tour and Live to Disappoint You!

Yesterday, in the section of this blog where the comments go, a reader inserted the following words:

Anonymous said...


This is bullshit. I've been putting up with your book plugging for at least two weeks, and you can't even manage to put up satisfactory blog posts while on the road.


You need to get your priorities straight. I'm looking forward to a half decent post tomorrow.


March 29, 2012 1:27 PM

I agree that it is, like, totally bullshit, but what am I to do?  For the time being, touring is my reality.  The road has become my bride.  I am stripped of all but pride.  So in her I do confide.  And she keeps me satisfied.  Gives me all I need.  Wherever I may roam.  Woah.  Yeah!  Wherever I may wander, wander, wander.  Yeah, yeah, wherever I may roam.  Yeah, yeah.  Whoaoaoaoaoah!

Sweet Lob, that song is ridiculous.


(Via AHTBM)

Anyway, rest assured that it won't be long before my tour is behind me, at which point this blog will revert from its current state of sucking to its usual state of sucking.  In the meantime, I'll add a gratuitous and self-serving reminder that I'll be in the following places this weekend:


AUSTIN
Saturday, March 31
1:30pm ride/3:00pm talk and booksigning
Mellow Johnny's 
400 Nueces
Austin, Texas 78701
(512) 473-0222



BOULDER 
Sunday, April 1
2:00pm ride
Vecchio's
1833 Pearl Street
Boulder, Colorado 80302
(303) 440-3535

3:00pm talk and booksigning
Boulder Book Store
1107 Pearl Street
Boulder, Colorado 80302
(303) 447-2074
Cost: $5.00 (good for $5 off The Enlightened Cyclist at any time, or $5 off any purchase the day of the event)


With regard to the $5 thing in Boulder, I did receive at least one irate "Tweet" about it, and in fact was quite surprised myself.  However, when I balked, my publisher explained to me that this is the bookstore's policy, and the $5 simply goes towards the purchase of my book or indeed any book if you don't want to buy mine, and that purchasing something from the store obviously offsets the time and effort the staff puts into hosting wiseass bloggers from New York City who track mud into the store and fail to put the toilet seat down after using it.  Once I looked at it in this light, I agreed that there are far worse things than supporting your local bookseller.  I hope you'll agree as well, and if not you can always just join the ride and then give me "the finger" and leave once we get to the bookstore.

Moving on, from time to time I receive emails from people or businesses asking me to help them promote their products.  Far more often than not, I either decline or ignore these requests.  However, once in a great while I come across a product I feel I should share with my readers, and when I received the an email that contained both the phrases "Burning Man" and "beautiful dust masks" I knew right away that this was one of those products:


I am a designer from the skateboarding industry in Santa Cruz California. I have done the artwork for many famous skateboards and surfboards. A few years ago I started going to Burning Man and I noticed that there were no beautiful dust masks in the world. I decided to make them myself and this adventure took me to the far east where I found a manufacturer who could put vibrant colors and designs onto dust masks. 


And thus, the Vogmask was born:


...now I have created vogmask - the world's first designer dust, allergy, particle masks. They are very soft and comfortable and my friends and I wear them while cycling, traveling on airplanes, working with lathes and spraypaint, cleaning out the chicken coop and doing other things where we'd rather not breathe all the contaminants in the air.

Inspiration is like lighting, or herpes, or a rabid monkey on PCP, and we never know when or where it is going to strike.  Alexander Fleming was messing around with some fungus and he discovered Penicillin.  Two idiots crashed into each other and invented the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup.  And the inventor of the Vogmask apparently went to Burning Man, "wigged out" on some bad acid, and strapped a pair of panties on his face:


Vogmask is poised to become the face mask of choice for the discriminating germaphobe, though the first thing I thought of when I saw the above image was this song:



And then I saw this image:


Which will no doubt result in thousands of Vogmask orders from Japanese perverts who are into that whole "pantyface gardening" thing.

In any case, I sincerely with the inventor the best of luck with his venture, and if you lead a lifestyle that requires you to look fabulous while being exposed to dangerous particles or fumes I hope you will consider the Vogmask.  (As a semi-professional blogger my own vocation does not require a face mask, unless I've consumed a particularly "epic" burrito before going to "work.")  Indeed, there's no reason that the Vogmask shouldn't become all the rage among the artisanal bicycle craftspeople of Portland.

Speaking of Portland, I previously believed it to be the mostest bike-friendliest city in which to bicycle cycle for transportation in the United States.  But then I visited the midwest, and I daresay that Minneapolis and Madison may be even more rideable than "The Artisanal 'P'."  In particular, riding in Madison was like riding a cotton candy bicycle while being tickled with buttercups, and my commute from my quarters in Middleton to downtown Madison looked mostly like this:


Sure, Madison's a much smaller town than Portland, but that doesn't mean Portland can't feel the Midwest breathing down its neck hair dreadlocks.  This could be why Portland's bike-related endeavors increasingly seem to be born not of exuberance but of desperation.  For example, having already done wooden bikes, they're now moving on to wooden helments:

(Yes, I realize Corvallis isn't Portland, but I'm sure it's close enough that the Smugness Cloud rolls in if the wind direction is right.)

It would make me exceedingly happy if, by the time I get there for my BRA, half of Portland is riding around on wooden bikes while wearing wooden helments and SPD-compatible clogs:


Of course, the danger there is that they might all catch fire, but don't worry, because help is on the way in the form of an emergency "bake feets" squad:


I can certainly see bicycles being useful in a disaster, but the main problem with them is that they're ridden by cyclists.  And if you've ever set out with a group of cyclists you know there's that inevitable ten or fifteen minutes during which the two or three biggest know-it-alls in the bunch have to settle on a route.  "Scranus to Frumunda then through the park and onto South Grundle?"  "No, South Grundle's gonna be a mess this time of day, let's go around to Vulvanus."  "Vulvanus is being resurfaced, let's take the Vas Deferens."  And so forth.  It's like a People's Front of Judea meeting.  You can even see them doing it in the photo above, and that period of deliberation is going to mean the difference between life and death.

But don't worry, at least there's going to be a disaster theme ride:

"There's even a cargo bike/disaster-themed Pedalpalooza ride in the works."

Presumably it will happen after the Allergy Pride Parade, and of course they'll all be wearing Vogmasks.

Yes, feeling more prepared than everyone else in the event of Apocalypse is the ultimate expression of smugness, just as the Bridgestone X0-1 is the ultimate platform for the sporting retrogrouch, and if you've ever dreamed of owning one a reader has forwarded me the following Craigslist ad:



Bridgestone XO-1 - $600 (Olympia)
Date: 2012-03-29, 9:43PM PDT
Reply to: [deleted]


In the beginning...


9 bikes were given to Man to race and crash and make a mess of things.
7 bikes were forged for the Dwarves who kept their bikes forever in the garage.
3 bikes were given to the elves who turned them quickly into fixies and were never seen from again.
But one bike was made by the Master Grant Peterson...One bike to Rule Them All!


That bike is the XO-1 It is the one bike that is truly designed to do it all. At home on the road as the trail, this bike is designed to take you to Middle Earth and beyond. 


This is a Purple 1993 bike that is small, not large: no, you crank-apes cannot ride this bike. This bike measures 43 cm (yes they made them that small) 
I will provide pictures of the bike to people who request it. Only the worthy are able to gaze upon greatness. 


The bike is getting ready to be rebuilt. It has non-standard handbar and shifters. I have the Moustash bar and Suntour Barcon shifters to make it right. With this bike, many people wish it to be set up to their needs and not mine. 


I will ship this bike if you need me to. Shipping will be extra. This is the real deal. Of course, you need to be the height of Frodo to ride it!


It's too small for me, but I think it would fit my helper monkey, Vito.


168 comments:

Anonymous said...

z90

Anonymous said...

winner winner chicken dinner

Kenny said...

AND THAT'S HOW A BILL GETS ARGUED BEFORE THE SUPREME COURT!

Anonymous said...

Where's my soigneur?

Darla said...

When are you supposed to be in the LA/Orange County area? Which store(s)?

JB said...

Hi

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

Dear Lob,

Thank you for the most auspicious of commutes this morning.

Thank you for testing my cycling skills by throwing the dolly out of the truck and directly into my path in the bike lane.
Thank you for testing my patience as my fellow cyclists rode past me with not even a glance in order to run the red light at the nearby intersection while I pulled the dolly out of the lane.
Thank you for putting a smile on my face when the truck driver walked over and blamed the fact that he was driving with the rear door rolled up on something so bizarre as "somebody else".
Thank you for keeping the word "cocksucker" out of my response and leaving it at "everyday is exciting isn't it?".
And thank you for sending me an angel/sign in the form of the girl locking up her bike at work and saying "this was the first day I ever rode my bike to work…and I obeyed rule number 1: I did not die"

Lob, you are most generous, and I remain your chosen, yet humble commuter.

Jasper said...

Early doors

Anonymous said...

Not playing.

Charles said...

Last of the top 10?

Charles said...

Last of the top 10?

grog said...

Show me Recumbabe in a Vogmask, and I'll buy one. Happy Trails!

Vas Deferens said...

My understanding is that Corvallis is for those sensitive souls who find the hurly-burly of Portland a little too gritty for them.

Anonymous said...

stuck in the peleton...will read it later..

Anonymous said...

Frumunda Cheese for all!

Merlin said...

Didn't the wizards get any bikes?

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

and isn't' that like 11 bikes?

McFly said...

WUDH LMNT

Anonymous said...

You will be in Austin? Is he cool with that? Not that there's anything wrong with that....

Barry said...

1. '93 XO-1 purple? sounds like an XO-2.
2. vogmask or... vagmask? HAHAHAH

Nice job last night at On the Route in Chicago.

theEel said...

weed.

Anonymous said...

Obviously this blog proves that there is a disturbance in the force.

cycle

erikbeng said...

I don't know what "Anonymous" is talking about...quality posts abounds while Snob makes the rounds.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Wow they sure have a deep blue sky out there in Madison.

I think probably after the epic burrito a simple dust mask isn't gonna cut it. You need a respirator -something rated for protection against VOC's you know Volitile Organic Compounds.

Say hi to Lance for me.

WOOD NLID

singlespeedwaster said...

No quiz? It's an outrage! My inquiring mind is getting stunted, and more books won't help

crosspalms said...

I enjoyed the ride and the show and the books last night in Chicago. Thanks! Next time I hope you'll bring that perforated yak you keep mentioning.

Anonymous said...

top 50?

Anonymous said...

In Austin have a tasty coffee at Juan Pelota's (attached to Mellow Johnny's. Try on some Rapha finery while you are there.

Marcel Da Chump said...

The picture of that Madison bike lane made me sigh.

samh said...

I do not care how long you plug your book for, WRM. #justsayin'

JB said...

DaddoOne: I hope you told that woman that she locked up her bike "all wrong," promptly removed her front wheel and saddle/post assembly, locked them all together with the frame and rear wheel, and walked off. This afternoon, from afar, you could video her attempts to reassemble the bike and ensuing breakdown.

Anonymous said...

29 Comments already?

Come one, people, lets get some lives, shall we?

Anyways...

1. 5$ fee for Boulder Book Store? Fuck the Boulder Book Store. That shop sucks in ways that can only exist in a Smugopolis like Boulder. Suckage at the Boulder Book Store level cannot be imagined let alone exist in the reality that exists outside the ring of Boulder's expansive private open space.
OMG that place sucks massively. Eat me Boulder Book Store. You'll never see my $$, never ever. Ever.

2. Vogmask. Please google yourself the term "Cybergoth." Enjoy. And you're welcome.

3. See you Sunday, Snob. Please bring a few books to Vecchios as I will not visit the Book Store that shall no longer be named.

We're not all rich Google employees, ya know.

Anonymous said...

Decent bike lanes can be a beneficial side effect from living in a bastion of liberals as one of the comments about Madison this week implied. The current WI Gov gets no credit BTW.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

JB,

Instead, I might just leave her a copy of "The Enlightened Cyclist: Commuter Angst, Dangerous Drivers, and Other Obstacles on the Path to Two-Wheeled Transcendence" , currently 5964th on the Amazon Sales list. They only want to give me $1.73 to sell it back to them, so I might as well.

CommieCanuck said...

This post was only 42% decent. Sooo close.

Sigmund F said...

"5$ fee for Boulder Book Store? Fuck the Boulder Book Store. That shop sucks in ways that can only exist in a Smugopolis like Boulder. Suckage at the Boulder Book Store level cannot be imagined let alone exist in the reality that exists outside the ring of Boulder's expansive private open space.
OMG that place sucks massively. Eat me Boulder Book Store. You'll never see my $$, never ever. Ever."

Don't repress, tell us how you really feel.

CommieCanuck said...

$5SN OBTX

leogodoy said...

But why no iBook version?

Anonymous said...

Commute (verb):

"Two elements of a set (or of a field or a group, etc) are said to commute with respect to a certain operation (usually multiplication or composition) if the order in which they are taken does not matter for the purpose of combining them using that operation. For instance, a and b are said to commute under operation * if a*b=b*a." (from thesaurus.maths.org)

Anonymous said...

I'll pay the 5$ at the Boulder gig if Snob promises me a lap dance.

What else would I pay a strip club cover for?

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

Disappointed panties!

CommieCanuck said...

Time for a Tea Party in Boulder, fuck King George and his $5 Snob Tax.
Meet down by the docks and dump crates of Snooki's "A Shore Thing" into the water.

FUCK SNKI

Rick Santorum would have never allowed this.

Anonymous said...

Burning Man panties!

McFly said...

If you will be patient you can probably pick up Enlightened Psychalist on the EBAY for $.99 in a few weeks. Just be wary if it says WITH STICKERS INTACT because that's a scam fo sho.

Anonymous said...

Snob, I don't see how you can pretend to enjoy entertaining us ungrateful asshole readers for free every (almost) day. You must be making a ton of money on this blog, or have the patience of a saint, not to want to bribe the Dick-Cheney-evil-asshole-spy-network to hack the Internet account of the commentor you quoted, get his physical address, and use your computer/iPhone/whatever to bludgeon the bastard to a bloody pulp, thereby leaving yourself with only the smashed and bloody remnants of a blogging device!

Anonymous said...

Anon @ 12:43

Don't you think the whinging commenter was only being appropriately snarky, as in keeping in the spirit of BikeSnobNYC?

That's the way I read his comment and I am a total jump-off-the-edge-of-the-conclusion-cliff kinda guy myself.

Heck,one of the reasons I visit this blog is that it's a (mostly)seriousness free zone from start to finish.

Occupy Scranus!

Anonymous said...

WEAK WEEK

these add up, ya know

Vaginally Stiff, Literally Compliant said...

Vecchio's is great-- I hope you're riding Campy there!

mikeweb said...

No quiz!

I went back to do last weeks again, and there was no quiz last week!

So instead I registered to retake the SATs this year.

Currently working on my inductive and deductive reasoning skillzzz...

Jimbo said...

Jello punched me in the face back in '84 for jumping onto his stage and I liked it.

Douchie MacBagge said...

NO FOOK'IN STICKERS!

Klaus Floride said...

@Jimbo,

If I punched you in the face, you wouldn't have liked it.

Pervus Prevertus said...

Where is 'Recumbabe'

Do you really think I lurk here for the BSnyc literature?

I mean really. This is a thin intellectual gruel indeed.

mikeweb said...

That Vagmask dude really needs to design one that makes it look like the person is wearing a ball gag.

GETT GIMP

Mario said...

I approve this post and can only find one visible flaw. Hot Vogmask Girl #2 does not have a hole in her panty respirator the size of a microphone. That is all.

Anonymous said...

MASK HEAD

Cipo said...

mangiando prosciutto

Snob/Wilcat, that song is only totally redeculas because it´s by Metallica. Were it by Soundgarden or Crowbar it would totally rock.

Anonymous said...

I hope you left the wifey at home so I can feed you some succulent Texas barbecue and tie you to a fence post and tickle you.

See you soon,

Cheri Feathercunt

le Correcteur said...

Great use of Monty Python, WRM. But I miss the longer posts, and without them my pitiful life lacks morning focus!

Reg said...

The Judean People's Front! Splitters!

Terre Haute Karl said...

It's ok snob, we realize that sometimes you sleep. Sometimes it's not for days. The people you meet, always go their separate ways. Sometimes you tell the day by the bottle that you drink. Sometimes when you're alone all you do is think. You're a cowboy. On a steel (or possibly crabon) horse you ride. You're wanted...dead or alive.

Pantyface said...

face panties!

Billy said...

I'm kind of amazed none of y'all jumped on this part:

"wear them while cycling ... where we'd rather not breathe all the contaminants in the air."

Seriously, who wears a dust mask, gas mark, panty mask, or really any kind of mask while cycling? Unless it's Occupy Critical SSWXC or something.

I was trying to figure out what possible contaminants he could be talking about, but then I remembered that I ride in a cloud of car smog all the time. (6 feet back from the tailpipe helps, or so I read.) Still, I don't think I could gulp down enough PM2.5-laden air through one of those to keep my usual pace.

Re: Anon@12:53 PM - you nailed one of the reasons I love this place. I take people way too seriously most of the time, but here, I can just let it all go by.

zoomer said...

I pulled an allnighter studying anatomy and now NO QUIZ?

Scranus!

oh, and Weed Vagmask

Corpus callosum magnum opus said...

Vas Deferens... you may be right about Corvallis. But then again, hunting elk in a January storm, standing under a mill saw for 8 hours or cleaning the patz after some funky silage might still involve some grit... though I suppose it can't compare to finding coffee grounds at the bottom of a latte.

A wooden helmet would seem a perfect fit when bike commuting to Georgia-Pacific.

JB said...

I assume the wooden helment is supposed to be "green," but I suspect (i.e., guess) that buying a mass produced plastic (i.e., normal) one would be better for the earth. With the 8 hours that it takes for some dude to hollow-out and shellac that wood, he could be planting trees or throwing paint at dignitaries.

Anonymous said...

I know precisely when lighting is going to strike, when I hit the switch

mikeweb said...

By the way, today I'm broadcasting from a Microsoft technical conference. The latest presenter was the Fredliest of the day so far. His 'Mom jeans' and comb over were divine.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Mikeweb,

That description sounds like me, are you sure you're not at one of my BRAs?

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Poppa Wheelie said...

The book must sell!

LONG LIVE THE SNOB!

Buffalo Bill said...

I guess $5 would be ok if I was going to buy the book anyway, but since there won't be any BRA's in my neck of prairie I'll just check it out of the library.

Anonymous said...

If we're going to do road songs:

On a long and lonesome highway
East of Omaha
You can listen to the engine
Moanin' out his one note song
You can think about the woman
Or the girl you knew the night before
But your thoughts will soon be wandering
The way they always do
When you're ridin' sixteen hours
And there's nothin' much to do
And you don't feel much like ridin',
You just wish the trip was through

Here I am
On the road again
There I am
Up on the stage
Here I go
Playin' star again
There I go
Turn the page

Well you walk into a restaurant,
Strung out from the road
And you feel the eyes upon you
As you're shakin' off the cold
You pretend it doesn't bother you
But you just want to explode
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/b/bob+seger/turn+the+page_20021931.html ]
Most times you can't hear 'em talk,
Other times you can
All the same old cliches,
"Is that a woman or a man?"
And you always seem outnumbered,
You don't dare make a stand

Here I am
On the road again
There I am
Up on the stage
Here I go
Playin' star again
There I go
Turn the page

Out there in the spotlight
You're a million miles away
Every ounce of energy
You try to give away
As the sweat pours out your body
Like the music that you play

Later in the evening
As you lie awake in bed
With the echoes from the amplifiers
Ringin' in your head
You smoke the day's last cigarette,
Rememberin' what she said

Here I am
On the road again
There I am
Up on the stage
Here I go
Playin' star again
There I go
Turn the page
Here I am
On the road again
There I am
Up on the stage
Here I go
Playin' star again
There I go
Turn the page
There I go
There I go

cycle

mikeweb said...

WRM,

Quite possibly... SFF (significant Fred factor)? Check. PowerPoint deck? Check. Free breakfast and lunch? Check.

Do the BRAs have one of those 6 foot long digestive track battering ram sandwiches that come on a 1x4 wooden board with visible mildew on it?

Anonymous said...

CHET HAZE

Johann Rissik said...

V(agina) O(n) G(ob) masks. It's self-evident.

Johann Rissik said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
DerZoots said...

BUY THE FUCKEN XO-1 SNOBBY!

JUST FUCKEN DO IT!

PEND ALL THAT BIG BOOK MONEYS!

WEEDZ!!!!!!!!!

PANTIES!!!!

SHOUTING!!!!!!!!!

FRIDAY!!!!!!!!

WEEDSHOUTINGZ!!!!!!!!!

Jimbo said...

@ Klaus

Regrets Klaus, regrets.

McFly said...

I don't why you would need that panty respirator while operating a lathe. All a lathe does is throw hot chips of metal onto your tender neckflesh and lilly white forearms. I guess you would not have to smell the burning human meat caused by bad positioning if you were rubbing one, though. So you would have that going for you.

jno62 said...

Portland only has blue skies like that one week a year. July 6-10. That's it.

Maybe I should move to Mnpls.

Anonymous said...

The Boulder Book Store is only doing what the CITY of Boulder would love to do - charging an entrance fee.

Credit them their chutzpah.

Disney Perv said...

If you could have hot MILF sex with the mom from Wizards of Waverly Place or the mom from Good Luck Charlie which one would it be? It's not a quiz but it does require thought.

CommieCanuck said...

Sigh. Sometimes I have to do everything myself:

Firday Fun Quiz!

1. Elmo From Sesame Street has a new sex tape with "Cookie C".
True

False

2. Mario Cipollini can eat anything on a bike.
True
False

3. Mario has done "it" so much, he's gone officially blind.

True

False

+++Bogus Canadian-themed question+++

Connect the dots.

. .

bikesgonewild said...

...coroners report::: both victims survived the initial blunt trauma force of their helmented head to head impact when they collided their bicycles...

...ironically, both victims were wearing wooden helments & both died upon having large wooden splinters driven through their brains...

crosspalms said...

bgw,
But the big splinters are much easier to clean up than styrofoam. Those little white bits cling to everything and refuse to be swept. A few dead cyclists is a small price to pay for such efficiency.

CommieCanuck said...

Crap, I forgot the Recumbabe.

CommieCanuck said...

Sorry, wrong pic.

Recumababe

Not safe for work.

CommieCanuck said...

...ironically, both victims were wearing wooden helments & both died upon having large wooden splinters driven through their brains...

In a non-related story, two people were killed today in tragic helmet fires.

crosspalms said...

commie,
Nice work. Never noticed the resemblance between Elmo and Eliot Spitzer before.

Cipo said...

eating pussy

bikesgonewild said...

...i see mr mikeweb is locked in the bowels of yet another featureless conference room, being forced to listen to the rambling 'blah, blah, blah's' of self indulgent technocrats, whilst he stares out at the verizon, ummm, i mean horizon...

bikesgonewild said...

...thank you, commie canuck...i'll have to add that 'elmo & cookie c' tape to my vast porn collection once i figure out what category it fits into...

...bestiality...hand puppets...movie stars...???...

bikesgonewild said...

...crosspalms...'static cling', it's a bitch...

mikeweb said...

bgw,

No windows to view any verizon, though the drone of the cooling fan on the video projector is very soothing. And the free cookies don't hurt.

Also, I think CC's first recumbabe photo is one of the other conference attendees here. Though he's wearing his stained sweatpants today.

bikesgonewild said...

...mikeweb...at least whichever 'device' you're now using is giving you a window to the world...or a least the insidious world of bsnyc/rtms/wcrm...

mikeweb said...

bgw,

Thank Lob for that.

bikesgonewild said...

..."...apparently went to Burning Man, "wigged out" on some bad acid, and strapped a pair of panties on his face:..."...

...now, i've never been to 'burning man' but "back in the day", many's the time when i 'wigged out' on some bad acid & strapped a pair of panties on my face...usually with a some young lady in them...

...it usually led to another beautiful relationships or another court restraining order...

...just sayin'...

crosspalms said...

commie,
Smokey's all over it.

Max said...

Emoticon Snob ranks your comments:

Anonymous 11:13am
(~~)/"/ [golf clap]

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne
¥ [sigil of the Lobster God]

Anonymous 12:19pm
(>_<) [u mad?]

DerZoots
o_O

CommieCanuck
Quiz- :D
Recumbabe links- >:(

bikesgonewild
¯\(o-o)/¯ [shrug, i.e. "just sayin'"]

WRM
ಠ_ಠ [No Stickers?!?]

g-roc said...

You were asking for it Snob. If you would have just done the standard "no posts until I get back", no one would complain. But instead, you post your whereabouts so some of us have an opportunity to see you in person and give you "the finger". Thus, those of us who aren't in those particular cities are bitter about the missed opportunity.

george christensen said...

Eben: Nice riding with you yesterday along Chicago's lake front. Here's that story about the Tour de France course marker for Christian Vande Velde that VeloNews put At the Back http://georgethecyclist.blogspot.com/search?q=course+marker+for+Christian.

bikesgonewild said...

...@ max...nice...

...( ̄ー ̄)...

A. Contador said...

Hey snob. When you are at Mellow's pick me up two half gallons of epo, a pint of hgh and five pounds of powdered hemo-pure. Oh and a dozen vials of the clear. Mail to me in a plain brown wrapper. Thanx

McFly said...

(Dude trying to render portaging services says): "Is it fast?"
(Dude on Bridgestone XO-1 says): "Is it fast? It once did the Kessel run in twelve Parsecs."
(Dude #1 says)"Woooooaaahhh."

Astoriasontop said...

liked the tune-age in this post. More music to read always makes the blog go down smooth.

Anonymous said...

dude, that wilie hetfield guy from mehtallica who lives in a mansion in marin, cuts off access to public rights of way and sues everybody for everything is so gonna sue you fer sure. kiss your blogging millions goodbye!

Anonymous said...

dude, that wilie hetfield guy from mehtallica who lives in a mansion in marin, cuts off access to public rights of way and sues everybody for everything is so gonna sue you fer sure. kiss your blogging millions goodbye!

g-roc said...

OMG, the Vog mask is awesome. Just checked out the gallery. Love the photo "I need a Vog mask. Oh, my baby? She's fInnnne."

cramitsucko said...

Feels like a Wednesday... scranyusly

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

@crosspalms 4:06 "Nice work. Never noticed the resemblance between Elmo and Eliot Spitzer before."

So very astute my friend.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of Metallica, is that Robert Trujillo behind the guy with the Armani bag?

Vas Deferens said...

@Corpus callosum magnum opus...

My bad, the only people I know in Corvallis are yoga teachers and bad rock musicians...

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

I was going to make a "vas deferense between ___ and ___ joke, but something around here just came into bloom today, and what with all the sneezing and antihistamine buzz I just can't think of one.

Probably for the best...

McFly said...

CC,
I wonder how many women became great with child simply from clicking on false in the second question in your quiz? Those piercing ice blues are powerful enough to pull it off disembodied. Maybe this sounds too gay to publish. Too late.

Frank(not Fred) said...

thank god someone noticed that those two douches are from Metallica - Hetfield and Trujilio. can't wait to see you in Vancouver, Snob!

leroy said...

My dog says all my rides are disaster rides.

He says it's funny because it's true.

Ride disaster free all!

bikesgonewild said...

...honestly, leroy...if your dog wasn't a 'dude', he'd be a bitch...

bikesgonewild said...

..."this song is about an oil spill in marin..."...

...wait a minute...the only oil we allow to be spilled in marin is pure 100% organic, extra virgin olive oil...

...i'm not just sayin', i'm statin' fact...

Donovan douche said...

Mellow Johnny's baby, Mellow Johnny's!
They call it Mellow Johnny's

They call it Mellow Johnny's

bikesgonewild said...

...while james hetfield certainly has a right to protect & preserve his property, i personally think he's being a cunt about the situation...

...he's made his millions so he moves into the county & because he can afford it, he buys expensive land next to what we call 'open space' here in marin...

...now, up to this point, okay, fine & dandy, it's his cake, he can spend it how he wants...but a trail that's been used for about a million years & which allows access to two nature preserves, suddenly becomes contentious because he decides that he's had a few problems with hikers & bicyclists...

...solution ???...build a big metal-ica fence to deny any passage to anyone, which was prob'ly his intent from the get-go...

...fuck you, 'armani' tough boy...

wishiwasmerckx said...

Nebraska Bike Commuter, here you go:

Severing the vas deferens makes a vast difference in a man's ability to impregnate a woman.

You are welcome.

wishiwasmerckx said...

BGW, please call it EVOO; that ratchets up the pretentiousness quotient quite a bit.

Fred Splinterdick said...

Wooden prophylactics for her organic displeasure.

Max said...

@wishiwasmerckx: I was JUST noting how EVOO managed the difficult trick of being pretentious and infantile at the same time.

Klompen Sabot said...

You'd think they spell Grant Petersen's name correctly.

Thank Lob they make those Vogmasks in organic cotton, too and PLAIN WHITE, which to me is the most beautiful.
And it shows the dirt better - so you can get a hint at when to change masks -

And thank the dead industrial barons who hired immigrants and broke their labor strikes to build the railroads in the Madison area on cheap or free land stolen by the government from the previous occupants for some of those bike paths.

Every time I ride Old Sauk Road in Madison, I wish I had a perfumed Vogmask or one with a activated charcoal filter.

bikesgonewild said...

...wishiwasmerckx...sorry but i'm kinda 'old school' & i'm sticking with "...pure 100% organic, extra virgin olive oil..."...

...now, what makes the brand i chose 'pretentious' is that they only press the olives between the thighs of 18 year old virgins...

...try finding 18 year old virgins...

...that's all i'm sayin'...

Cipo said...

The Giro D'Italia is won on the loveseat. Well, kneeling beside the loveseat......and.....wait for it......wait for it......

Cipo said...

Eating pussy

Anonymous said...

Their specialty is Cheese Fromunda: http://www.yabbiesrestaurant.com/.

Anonymous said...

Shame to hear about yet another Metallica member that is a prize douchebag.

Lars and now Hetfield.

Hetfield is worried that hikers and cyclists will catch him trying to autofellate himself.

Central park bike tours said...

I liked the rhyme in the beginning. Keep doing this

Bentit Surf (critique' literaire) said...

From snobbie's new book;

"The Lone Wolf having ditched his uber smug aero full carbon bicycle for an unpretentious plebeian full metal jacketed unicycle shall henceforth be known as 'Ln Wf'."

Quilled and Lugged said...

@bgw No young virgins in Fairfax? Not even at the Java Hut? Come now, you're pulling our legs.

bikesgonewild said...

...hey, there, quilled & lugged...

...there might be a few at the new 'good earth' but they're prob'ly wearing clunky sandals with organic wool socks under their 'granny gowns'...

...not that there's anything wrong with that...

...but, well, you know - just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

In Boulder but missed the Snub - at the bookstore at 2:00 and the bike store at 3:00.

Dyslexics untie?

Anonymous said...

Did the minimalist guy show up at the Boulder BRA?

Anonymous said...

The Budnitz is all messed up like pasta primavera.

Anonymous said...

BSNYC
I have a small business that spreads the 'good word' much like your own.
Our congregation has a couple of trailers hooked up in tandem, but we can go mobile with the wiff of a wiffle wall bat.

If you want to join forces...send a message for all those who want something to believe in.

-Dr. Fever

leroy said...

It's not wanting to believe in something.

It's the something you want to believe in.

At least, that's what I believe.

JB said...

Why'd Budnitz throw that chair at Geraldo Riviera?

Gerald River said...

Because i ask the tough questions.

Anonymous said...

I am into a word today: Bloated.

I am going to use it in my comments today.

Bloated. Look for it.

Today.

Make your own quiz said...

Lovely Post!

Robert said...

Oh how metallica has fallen

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